Welcome to the Eye
Good evening Readers,
For any of you out there reading our messages, we come to warn you about the mysterious sightings after curfew. We, The Midnight Crew, are here to advise you to stay indoors after hours, who knows what could happen to you when you go out after the clock strikes twelve.
Who are we, you ask? Well I’m afraid we can’t reveal our true identities to you, however, we have decided to provide code names, so you will be able to tell us apart in these reports. There are three of us in the Midnight Crew and our code names are, Torelle, Iria, Anzotica.
Why code names? Well…aren’t you guys a snoopy bunch. Fine, I’ll tell you…we used to be a part of the Early Morning Cleaning crew (EMC), but we escaped the mandatory mind erasing that happens every day after cleaning. We felt it was important for you, our readers, to know the truth about our school.
We have a striking new story to tell! But! To start us off, a little history about our beautiful yet ever growing BYU-Eye. Back on November 12, 1888 when our humble school started out as Bannock Stake Academy, little did the adventurers know they were building our school on top of an ancient dragon’s nest! By 1890 they found the nest, and declared the eggs inside it dormant. Isn’t that a good laugh…but I am getting a head of myself. Not long ago, just this Monday morning, we caught sight of the great nest! One of us…. I won’t mention who. Actually scratch that. I will. Torelle. Torelle thought it would be a good idea to cook the dormant dragon eggs for breakfast… scrambled dragon eggs! I couldn’t believe my ears. I wasn’t sure whether Torelle was kidding or being serious, but she said it with a straight face, then grinned after I shot her a disturbed glance. I worry for Torelle. I never really know where that brain of her’s goes.
The three of us approached the nest with our Swiffer’s (believe it or not folks it gets dusty in the underground caverns, and the two headed five footed mice down there are allergic to dust) we came upon the nest and saw one of the ginormous pearly white dragon eggs had hatched! Hatched! And here we were told dragons are extinct, as dead and gone as the dodo bird! What next? Is the Easter bunny alive too? Santa? How did no one know that these dragon eggs were still alive, incubated under the hot Rexburg sidewalks? But I digress, we reported our sightings to Evan, the EMC leader, who sent us back into the tunnels to look for this newly hatched baby dragon. He told us not to worry, that the dragon should not be able to escape the tunnels, but what does he know? He thought the dragon eggs were dormant, and we know that the force fields sealing off the tunnels are weak on Tuesdays. It’s because the mice think it’s cute to chew on the electrical wires after we have repeatedly told them to stop.
“It’s our right” They say, “We should have the freedom to chew on anything we want, when and where we want to.”.
They are pointless to argue with. We searched the tunnels high and low, holding our Swiffer’s as swords, (since everyone knows, dragons won’t eat people they think have swords) but to no avail. We were unable to spot the dragon. Evan brushed it off, assuring us that the dragon must be stuck in the caverns somewhere, probably eating the two headed five footed mice. We ask you readers, please yell into the abyss in our about tab if you have seen or know anything about this baby dragon. Any sightings must be reported to Evan the leader of the EMC, to ensure the safety of Rexburg.
Now, on to the weekly curfew events: This is for the Early Morning Cleaners (EMC): Training begins every night around 12am and the Mandatory mind erasing at 5am, anyone who misses the mandatory mind erasing will be taken to the sand dunes till further notice. A note for Waffle Wednesday! Waffle Wednesdays at 2pm are okay, Waffle Wednesdays at 2am are not, DO NOT ATTEND THOSE. Oh! Married couples, don’t forget to wear your wedding bands while out and about after curfew, anyone wearing a wedding band on their left ring finger will not see any of the madness that attends BYU Eye. A little slogan to help remind you to wear your wedding bands: If you can’t see them, they can’t see you, so put on your bands and hug your spouse.
The weather: Fog has settled in Porter Park causing the trees to scream incoherently. If you live near or around Porter Park, make sure to grab a pair of ear muffs or ear plugs to ensure a good night’s rest.
Again, we advise you to stay indoors after 12am every day except for Friday, Friday the madness starts at 1am so make sure to enjoy the extra hour while you have it. And remember readers, you laughing at your Tv is normal, your Tv laughing at you is not. If this happens, please go to bed, all will be right in the morning.
Until next time…
The Midnight Crew